A Mother's Journey

*I wrote this last Tuesday while I was staying the night at the hospital. I have had a hard time posting this until now. Our journey has just begun.


January 31st

3:00 pm

I spent the day cleaning out our small one bedroom apartment that we have been renting for about four months, so that we could finish moving into a two bedroom condo a couple of buildings down. We were all excited to get settled and have our own room, especially Jared - he was officially tired of listening to dad snore.

Jared came home and asked if he could get the key to the new condo so he could go home grab a snack and head to a friends house just a block down the road.

As he walked away I was thinking how much I loved him. I wished I had a camera because as he walked away I noticed that it would have been a perfect picture. I love photos of people walking away from a camera. Jared was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, and the contrast between the color of white and all of the green grass, shrubs and trees were just perfect.

I returned home and began cleaning and organizing our new home. I decided that I would start on Jared's room, so that we could get done and chill out to watch a movie together. Lee was on his way to California for a business meeting.


5:40 pm

As I was finishing up I realized the time, so I texted Jared to let him know it was time to come home. His response - "I'm learning how to box can a stay a little longer?". I told him to be home in ten minutes.

A few minutes later I heard a siren down the road and as always I think to myself, I hope it's not my child.


6:08 pm

I received a call from Lee, calling to let me know that he just received a phone call that Jared was being taken to the hospital, because he was boxing and has probably sustained a concussion. I quickly left for the hospital which is only five minutes away from our home. I was expecting to enter into a room with Jared sitting up and a doctor flashing a pen in his eyes, telling me he was just fine. I had no idea that our lives were about to change.

I showed up at the E.R. Gave my name and Jared's name, their response was "oh your the trauma coming in". I'm not concerned, I never panic until I have to. Now the whirlwind begins, I'm quickly rushed to a family quiet room, where a nurse enters to get the typical information. In comes another nurse and she tells me they have to move me to a trauma room. Still, no big deal.

As the nurse shows me the room I am to wait in, she tells me a social worker will be right in. Great a social worker that wants to take my child away for boxing.

I don't like boxing and Jared has been begging me to let him take lessons, which I of course am not going to allow, because people get hurt, and why would you want to be hit?

As the social worker rushes in, she introduces herself and tells me she was called in to act as a liaison between me and the doctors. She begins to tell me that Jared was just brought in not breathing on his own and in a partial coma. Now I panic. I have to call Lee, NOW!

A policeman comes in and explains what happened to Jared.

I can't reach Lee. The social worker starts asking me questions about our home, do I have pets, are there other children at home right now, and "can you leave right now?". Leave where? I still don't have any answers to what is going on. She then explains that they are preparing Jared for life flight, and that my husband needs to get here now. I explain that he is driving to California and I can' t reach him, so she tells me to get some family or friends over to the hospital. I don't have anyone here. Who do I call?


The doctor rushes in and tells me "It doesn't look good. We are rushing Jared to a hospital with a neurologist and surgeon. That would either be the University of Utah or UMC in Las Vegas. Vegas is closer, so we are sending him to Vegas you need to get a ride now, he probably won't survive the trip" and he leaves as quickly as he came in.

I still don't know what is going on, so the social worker explains that it doesn't look good for Jared. Still, no answers. My heart is racing and I can't think clearly. What do I do. I am rushed back to the family quiet room and told I need to contact someone. I finally get through to Lee and let him know that he needs to turn around and head back to Vegas and wait for Jared. I'm grateful that he was so close, at least one of us would be there when he landed. The doctor again rushes in and tells me that Jared has major bleeding in his brain. as he runs away I am stunned. We love to watch medical documentaries, I know exactly what is going on and what they will be doing to Jared. I don't know if this is a good thing or bad thing.

Jared needs a blessing but, who do I call? I pick up the phone book and try to think who to call, the bishop, our home teachers, but I don't know any numbers because most of them have only cell phones. The name of my relief society president, Dezlee Hancock, pops into my head. I quickly call her to see if her husband was available to give a blessing, he is the young mens president and knows Jared well. He was not available but she was going to call around for me and find someone home.

The social worker now enters and tells me I need to go see Jared right now. Then the helicopter pilot enters asking for more signatures, as she reassures me she will do her best to get him to Vegas quickly. As I'm signing the papers I begin to shake and tell them I can't see him. I' m afraid to go in the room, but how do I not go in. The social worker then tells me in a gentle way you have to go in, you really need to go say goodbye. I know what she is trying to tell me. How does a parent deal with the death of a child?

I'm guided back to the room where I try to remain calm. I stand beside my son, not recognizing him because his face was so swollen. I was okay for a minute or so until they started putting tape on his head to strap him down more securely. The room begins to close in on me and all I can hear is the social worker telling me what to do, walk, turn, sit. I don't feel good, I am quickly rushed to a chair where I drop my head into my hands and begin to sob.

All I can think is, I'm all alone here. Then I felt arms wrap around me, comforting me. I don't know who it is for a moment, I look up and see the face of my loving relief society president, Dezlee. She came to my rescue in my hour of need.

6:46

They begin to wheel Jared away and tell me to kiss him goodbye. I didn't want to let go.

I'm then guided back to the family quiet room, I can't see straight or walk without help, as I begin pleading to Heavenly Father, please don't take my baby. I'm told to find a ride to Vegas you are not allowed to drive, what do I do, I can't breathe.

I need to call the family but, what do I say. All I can think about now is how much I need my baby girl Kayla here with me, so I called her and dumped everything in her lap and asked her to call my other boys, Jason and Brandon. I can't make that call again.

Sister Hancock begins guiding me to her car and we begin our 2 hour journey to Vegas.

Somewhere outside of Mesquite, I begin to have a peaceful feeling, I begin to feel the prayers of many.

I begin to pray again to watch over Jared, but if he should not survive, please help me to have the strength to continue forward.

I'm so grateful Lee was waiting in Vegas. There was a team ready for Jared, he was quickly taken to surgery where the doctors begin their magic. I was also praying that the doctors would know what to do and have the spirit to be with them and guide them.

I stay calm and try not to think about anything but my blessings. Which are many.

8:07 p.m. Nevada time

Just as we pull into the hospital Lee came out and told me a doctor spoke with him, telling him Jared was going to have a lot of brain damage, but he would survive.

Sister Hancock and Lees boss Jimmy Andrus stayed with us until Jared was out of surgery and we could see him.

9:06 p.m.

Finally, the surgeon came out and told us that Jared was a very sick, sick, sick young man. They had to remove part of his skull cap to relieve the pressure from his brain that was swelling up and pushing on his spinal cord. Then they had to remove a blood clot that they think came from a stroke. Lee asked the doctor how bad, all he would say is "very sick". His chances of survival are slim and we won't know anything for at least 72 hours.

Family is on the way. I pray for everyone to drive safe. The calls and texts begin to roll in. How blessed we are to have so many that love us. Everyone has been placed in our life for a reason.

10:45 pm

We are finally allowed in to see Jared. We knew what to expect, so we were not shocked at all to see tubes everywhere, machines galore and a ventilator breathing for him. The PICU physician came in and explained that when she cut back on his meds that were keeping him in a medically induced coma, he tried to fight with his arms and legs, and started coughing, which are all good signs, so they quickly put back under heavy sedation.

Lee and Jimmy can finally give Jared a priesthood blessing. The only place they can anoint is on the bridge of Jared's nose. My baby is here. Now, the waiting begins.